Serving FISH: Black Lagoon realness with Janey Hayes MUA

Hey guys,

many of you will remember that recently… okay November last year, that I was taking a trip to the UK skills show in Birmingham to play model for uber-talented Make-up Artist Janey Hayes.

After being given the brief of ‘Golden Hollywood’ by her adjudicators, Janey selected the enduring image of the Creature from the Black Lagoon – a classic slice of cinema from the era’s tail end. Don’t remember the look? Feast your eyes on this and talk about fishy realness! creatureblacklagoon2

Competition rules stated that at least three prosthetics that had been hand made were utilised in the final look – Janey fitted me for FOURTEEN – and included a mixture of body paint and airbrush techniques. This was a full on teardown aiight?! Now, being a queen who doesn’t typically shave for my appearances, this meant re-accquainting myself as well as my legs, arms etc. with a bic disposable… I’m a little rusty so most of the bathroom in our swanky ass hotel room looked like the prom scene in Carrie by the end of it – NOT CUTE but very funny.  Here’s a sample of some of the raw prosthetics prior to application and painting (Janey had four hours to paint me head to toe btw).


The event itself, which drew competitors from all across the UK entering various different skilled based tests (from plumbing to catering), was attended by thousands. Seriously, thousands of young people came to stare at the competitors, which translated to me being in a pair of tiny pants and not much else for the majority of the day – one of the other models looked as though she had turned blue from the cold, though that may have been the paint, I couldn’t really tell.

Janey worked incredibly hard and turned out by far the most striking and well realised image in the whole competition, I felt so proud to represent her work. Really and truly. We placed ‘Highly Commended’ overall and Haye’s work was noticed by a huge amount of people from the industry. You couldn’t exactly miss us, especially not after I headed for a walk-about with Janey after the judging, there were some small children who bit off more than they could chew when they attempted to get close and play with the prosthetics… DON’T TOUCH THE SCALES BITCHES! You gonna get swallowed and not in the good way, black lagoon don’t do gobbling!

Here’s a snapshot of the final image:


One of the tutors representing Bristol College shot some video for us, I edited this sharpish so it’s very rough but gives you an idea of how the whole thing went:

That’s all from me for now but stay tuned, there’s so much on the horizon…

Bile and Bruises